Bull at the gate caring tends to take over, constantly giving advice and arguments for change (this may lead to defiance and butting heads).
If you are stressed, frustrated and exhausted you may adopt too much control and take over too much decision making.
The bull at a gate has too much logic and too little warm emotion …fuelled by stress, exhaustion & frustration, or simply one’s own temperament. The bull at a gate attempts to persuade and convince by argument and confrontation. The downside is that even if the cared for does obey, confidence to do so without assistance will not be developed. There is too much control and direction from the carer and will cause stress to both parties.
Unhelpful behaviours include shouting, trying to control and trying to “win”, emotionally draining for both parties involved. Tempers may erupt and attempts may be made to change behaviour by “charging” with arguments. This does not work. The more coercion that is applied, the more frustrated or withdrawn the carer could become. The person you are caring for will likely respond to arguments and battles with hackles up and defences mounted. Or she or he might obey out of fear of upsetting you.
WHAT YOU CAN DO…
Reflect on your bull at a gate responses
• Are they working for you?
• What difficulties are you encountering?
• What is causing the most stress?
• What can you think of that you can do for yourself to lower your anxiety, stress or anger levels?
• How can you avoid these obstacles?
• What might be the repercussions of change, both negative and positive?
• Set a goal or target for yourself?
• How do you think this will make you feel?
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